either way he was missing a nipple.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
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Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
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The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
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