dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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