i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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