I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
