My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
BRING THE BAGELS
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