Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
