Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
