he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
