They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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