you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
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I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
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We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever