i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.