Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.