mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night