she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
it's like iHOP with fire
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.