U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.