im six kinds of drunk right now
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
