apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
