I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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