I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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