does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
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i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
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Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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