it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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