I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
