Michael Bay diarrhea
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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