How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING