Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(813): View more from Florida

just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat

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(813): just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat http://tfl.nu/dslu

Replies (36) Good night (635) Bad night (4717)
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(469): View more from Texas

I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.

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(469): I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep. http://tfl.nu/j5ig

Replies (9) Good night (5206) Bad night (636)
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(512): View more from Texas

I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'

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(512): I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood' http://tfl.nu/xp6j

Replies (14) Good night (2002) Bad night (6987)
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(812): View more from Indiana

My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.

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(812): My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too. http://tfl.nu/4mju

Replies (98) Good night (3772) Bad night (9076)
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(+64): View more from New Zealand

He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!

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(+64): He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?! http://tfl.nu/rdvw

Replies (7) Good night (985) Bad night (1497)
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(562): View more from California

as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.

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(562): as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment. http://tfl.nu/n398

Replies (13) Good night (1890) Bad night (686)
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(909): View more from California

What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for

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(909): What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for http://tfl.nu/e5by

Replies (18) Good night (1644) Bad night (677)
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.

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(215): bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista. http://tfl.nu/gval

Replies (12) Good night (1046) Bad night (530)
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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.

(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.

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(814): Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck. (215): Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate. http://tfl.nu/mf4n

Replies (5) Good night (1357) Bad night (409)
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.

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(+44): How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic. http://tfl.nu/9kr6

Replies (12) Good night (1016) Bad night (898)
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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.

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(603): I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused. http://tfl.nu/l3qm

Replies (6) Good night (1179) Bad night (433)
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(560): View more from

I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.

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(560): I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do. http://tfl.nu/yx9v

Replies (3) Good night (579) Bad night (305)
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(315): View more from New York

Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought

(1-315): View more from New York

Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss

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(315): Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought (1-315): Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss http://tfl.nu/2a6b

Replies (3) Good night (700) Bad night (246)
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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money

(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I swear to god those aren't related

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(724): Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money (412): I swear to god those aren't related http://tfl.nu/w3tr

Replies (2) Good night (668) Bad night (243)
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(816): View more from Missouri

Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.

(913): View more from Kansas

Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.

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(816): Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort. (913): Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine. http://tfl.nu/1agk

Replies (1) Good night (682) Bad night (258)

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