I seem to have left my pride at pride
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay