he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
should my penis look like a turkey
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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