why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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