i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
