I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.