Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
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you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
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Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.