redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Mom said you looked used
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.