so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch