Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.