Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
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Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
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Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed