the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.