Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
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The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
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my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend