if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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