you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
