Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize