You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I supernannyed him into submission
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