I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
