Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
