is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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