You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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