So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
last night I used snow as a chaser
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
