Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
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