what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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