he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
