Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
