she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
