She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
