Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
