I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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