she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
