and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
