I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I think my fart just growled at me.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
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I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
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Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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