That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
