is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
