Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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