it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
