Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
