32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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