dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
